WARNING I AM NOT AN ENGLISH MAJOR AND NEVER WILL BE!!! ENGLISH JUNKIES READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

So I am completely new at blogging.  I most definitely will not be best and that is not my goal.  My goal for this blog is to document my journey to becoming healthy.  I have gained almost 80 pounds in the past 3 years and let's not even bring up since High School.  I am trying to use this blog as an accountability post.  The things here I am making public.  The question is: Should this be public or should it be private?  I thought every gritty detail should be public to help others or to be helped by others.  There is some information I may leave out since as of right now I am uncomfortable with sharing my weight and measurements.  It will be obvious with pictures that I am what health professionals call "morbidly obese."  My doctor gave me some wake up calls a couple of months ago these things include:

1. She mentioned that I am a candidate for bariatric surgery.
2. If I were to get pregnant I would be "High Risk" as there is no question I WILL get gestational diabetes, and hypertension (as both of these conditions run in my family).  I will also have a higher chance of miscarriage.
3. It will take 2 years to "heal" my body and get on track and get healthy.

Test results came back and my diabetes test was slightly elevated (not enough to be considered diabetic but enough to say...."Hello?  You are killing yourself!"); my cholesterol is elevated (not enough to be on medications but again see diabetes test); TSH was elevated, thus I have hypothyroidism and need medication (this condition slows down my metabolism); and Vitamin D levels are severely low (especially for someone my age).  It was eye opening that I need to start improving myself.  Since starting on meds for hypothyroidism I have lost 5 pounds which is a start.

I am very blessed to have great family.  They decided to help my husband and I obtain our Health Goals by paying for personal trainers.  I go to Studio 1 on 1 in Charlotte.  I started Wednesday; go twice a week for 30 minutes (this does not include the time I show up beforehand to start some Cardio).  (Is it weird that since someone is paying for this I want to do my best whereas if I was paying for it I would probably not try as hard?)

Today was my second day and I am battling negativity.  I see myself working out in the mirror and am completely disgusted.  Seriously, I do not look in the mirror that often (especially a full body mirror) because I sometimes get nauseated with how I look.  This will be my biggest battle in getting healthy is having a healthy mind.  The negativity HAS to stop.  I need to see my self as being beautiful regardless of the weight PLUS I am making changes to improve myself.  Low self-esteem has always been a battle for me.  I remember my mindset when I first started dating my husband was pretty amazing.  I at that time I relied on God for my security not myself....of course that was with the help of my husband who was just a friend before the mindset came to be.  He heard my negativity and gave me a scripture about looking at God.  (I believe it is in Jeremiah- I have it somewhere, must look).  Now before this point I was doing well with not worrying about my self esteem but this took it to a whole new level.  I need to look at G-O-D.  He is so much higher that I am that I really don't matter....except I matter to Him.  No more comparing myself to others, time to compare myself to scriptures and if I don't measure up (which I never will); I just need to look at myself as a work in progress; something to improve on.