Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Holidays etc.

Well it has been almost 20 days since my last post (at least it wasn't months).  I go thru my times of feeling good about changes in lifestyle and then have my downfalls of wanting things to happen faster.  Well....yesterday being Christmas I was actually thoroughly encouraged about the changes happening.  My in-laws were making comments about the changes and to be honest anyone who gives me a compliment I don't totally believe I think it is just that they are being nice.  Chris is becoming more diesel.  Seriously his arms are getting pretty crazy.  He dead lifts over his weight now so of course the changes he is seeing are crazy!  His trainer has made comments that Chris will become stronger than him.  Chris built to be strong.  He is built like a football player (which I love it....had dreams of him playing Polamalu in a movie if that says anything).  I am not obsessed with the Steelers at all (cough, cough).  So I know I went on a tangent of my handsome beast of a husband.  So of course I notice changes in him. Myself eh not as much however like I shared before I can get up off the floor without using an item to help me up.  This is MASSIVE improvement.  I also can bend over and pick things off the ground now without a problem.  LOVING IT!  SO my trainer has asked me if any more of my clothes are fitting (in particular my dresses that I bought for pre-wedding festivities early last year.  I LOVE these dresses.  I bought them from the big girl store....Torrid.  I like these dresses enough to hope to tailor them smaller as I get smaller.  The Problem earlier this year:  They did not fit, I tried spanks I tried anything to try to get these things zipped up.  They zipped half way up my back and stopped.  I REFUSED to get rid of them well I am glad that they are sill around cause they zipped up with ease WITHOUT SPANKS.  I am officially the same size before and during my wedding.   Here's the kicker: I weigh more.  I did report months ago that when starting this new way of life I gained weight...nearly 6 pounds if not maybe even more.  I have now lost a total 13 pounds....3 of these pounds were just this month.  About that last statement my goal for the month was not to gain weight.  With the Holidays I thought I can't completely restrict myself that is why gluten free has not totally happened.  Limiting too much has caused me to fail so trying to learn the self control thing...you know like eat one cookie and savour a flavor instead of eating a whole dozen of cookies.   Also I was able to use the bike at the gym.  Not a big deal?  Actually back a few months ago my leg could not go high of enough to get on the thing.  Changes are happening.  They will happen faster as I have more consistency and can get over getting sick all the time....why I need to try gluten free lifestyle, specifically Paleo/Primal.  I am just excited that I already have a start to getting healthy and it isn't 01/01/2013.  No New Year Resolution for me cause it is happening.

It's Been A LONG Time!!!!

So I have not given up this journey to better health just seemed to give up blogging.  I should be updating it more with my thoughts- whether negative or positive.  So here is an update: Still haven't lost much weight but have to be losing inches as my scrubs are fitting looser.  My co-worker in our satellite office has seen my for the first time in a month and even commented that I am getting smaller.  That is great!  It is discouraging the numbers are not going down but I can't let it get me down.  One co-worker told me I am gaining muscle and I may not shred the weight off for another year.  You know I am actually okay with that.  I am starting to get more at peace with progress.  My husband of course is making a lot more progress he too is at a stand still at actually losing weight but is gaining much muscle he can dead lift more than his weight.  I don't do dead lifts currently but I know it wouldn't be much.  As negative as that sounds I am still making much progress.  Back when I started working out if exercises were done on the floor I had to use something to get back up on my feet I could not get up on my own.  Well I can get back up.  Also if I was laying on my back on a bench I couldn't lift my upper body up to stand back up.  Well I am proud to announce I am getting up off the floor on my own with my own two feet.  The bench is still hard but I can do it about 50% of the time that is better than 0% of the time.  My balance has also gotten incredibly better.  I can stand on one leg at a time and balance fairly well without holding on to anything.  Still need to improve but standing on one leg without holding anything a couple of months ago was impossible.  My kicks have gotten higher.  I could barely kick and now I am starting to be able to kick almost to the height of my waist.  I think I was way more out of shape than what I thought.  It is fairly crazy. 

Eating well still needs to be improved.  I am not a planner but need to be in this area or we have a tendency of eating out. 

My health may be on the mends of getting better still suffering a lot from IBS BUT I am having less pain as I believe I had kidney stones.  I am doing much better in that area.  A constant pain in my back and abdomen was quite annoying.  Actually the first day without pain was a little shocking.  We are going to try to do Paleo (of course we have tried to do Paleo for almost a year now) to help out my IBS of course with all cooked vegetables as I really cannot eat raw veggies. There are so many good recipes for Paleo food that why not try it?  It's basically all natural no gluten and very little if any dairy.  I have been hearing of people giving up gluten, even though they may not have had an intolerance, and it has made them have so much more energy. 

Hopefully I will be updating more sooner than later....In fact once Chris and I plan our meals I will update that with recipes (well after we try them at least).

Thought Lost in Last Post

SO I went on about different things I ate on the cruise yet I didn't gain weight.  Activity level was slightly more chill than normal....yet no weight gain and co-workers said I have lost.  I think this is because I ate more frequently throughout the week.  Definitely does the body good.  I get it I get it I need to eat and not skip meals.....geesh.  Hopefully will become a habit.  Tomorrows a new day.

I GIVE UP....at blogging (not really)

LOL so it is very easy to just give up on something.  Started getting bored with the blogging and as much as I said "I will repeat myself so it will help myself and others...."  Let's be honest I haven't been on here in a month, I think?   No matter now I am back on and hopefully will dedicate myself to blogging.  So we got back from the cruise to the Bahamas 1 and 4/7 of a week from now (to be exact).  I came back and my co-workers said I looked good and that they could tell I lost weight.  Well....poundage is the same but again I am not caring about this at this time as size wise I am getting smaller just not my weight so much (sure a couple of pounds are gone).  So the cruise has lots of yummy foods....we're talking you have an appetizer, main course, and dessert in the dining hall, buffet all day and pizza till 5am.   Now I did not deprive myself on this cruise by any stretch in fact, a couple of the days I couldn't decide between two appetizers so the server brought out both for me, telling me "it is included enjoy!"  Most of the time the appetizer was some sort of fruit soup and something else I would choose (most of the time seafood).  I NEVER opted for the "healthy" dessert as it had Splenda....and yes I am now anti-Splenda (maybe not totally but I am trying to stick to natural- stevia, is natural).  We would eat breakfast (had a small chocolate milkshake one day for breakfast as my drink), lunch, dinner and have a midnight meal of pizza and cookies.  Healthy eating sorta went away but not totally.  Basically ate till I was satisfied, if I disliked something I didn't finish it (who knows where I obtained this "clean your plate" rule this is not how I was raised I think it is from not wanting to waste).  I wasn't as active on the cruise as I wanted. We drove over 10 hours to Port Canaveral and my feet and ankles swelled terribly.  Due to the swelling I also had blisters on my feet as my shoes turned into being too small since my feet were enormous.  I did walk around CocoCay.  This was my favorite island as it is owned by Royal Caribbean and it was just beautiful beach, ocean and wild iguanas.  Saw so much wildlife while going in the ocean; a hermit crab in a full size conch shell so this thing could easily take a junk of your finger, and many different fish.  Nassau was not that great to me.  People are very pushing to buy what they have to offer I do not like being pushed into something so when we went back to the ship for lunch Chris and I stayed on board.  We took the stairs several times unless it was going from deck 2 to deck 11 and depending how my dumb "Fred Flintstone" feet felt.  So here I am back into the groove of things feet finally being normal and no longer have tree stumps for ankles.  We want to start eating more Paleo/Primal style meals as I want to see if gluten is causing health problems.  I have improved greatly in my time for a half mile; starting at 15 minutes a little over a month ago to 9 min 30 sec right before the cruise and now 9 min 24 sec as of today.  Whew improvement is great.  I know my improvement seems "slow" but I have more chance of continuing on the correct path and am completely okay with that.  Looking forward to shedding pounds but I am more excited about being able to do things I am physically incapable of doing because of my fitness level. 

Okay so this was the pic on formal night with our friend "Abu."  Believe it or not I can actually see progress as the "before" pic I posted was with spanx and so was this dress.  The "rolls" are getting smaller. Noticing most difference in the things I wear and things fitting loser or actually fitting.

Thanks to My Supporters

Oh this is a quick blog post just to say "Thanks" to all of those supporting me near and far.  My trainer was going on how great it was on Facebook that I have so many people "Liking" and giving words of encouragement to my battle for better health!

"Thank you exercise for being the only thing stopping me from getting in shape." Jimmy Fallon

I LOVE Jimmy Fallon and his "Thank You Notes" on August 24, 2012 he aired one of the ones that is in the title.  I of course find it hilarious because it seems to be very true in a lot of people's lives.  "I want to get healthier", "I want to lose weight", "I wish I can climb steps without stopping".  I have heard these things time and time again.  Then I hear "I don't have time to exercise", "I don't like exercising"....

This is what I think of.  When I first walked into "Studio 1-on-1 Fitness" this cartoon was outside the door talk about convicting.  I am not trying to say to exercise an hour a day.  Even a start of 15 minutes daily is better than nothing.  To get more time in do it through out the day.  10-15 increments is very easy to add in.  Now I am still not quite at this "daily" thing.  I definitely have my days of being exhausted.  I need this to stop and get something in.  If I have a desire to exercise though I try to do it ASAP before I lose that desire.  Today was a great example.  I had my training at 8:30am, came home took my meds that I have to eat an hour after.  Well I got bored and wanted to walk on the treadmill.  I can actually say I got an hour worth of exercise in today.  That is super exciting.  I got done and was worn out but I feel like it could be the most energy I have ever had.  I am hearing a lot of people that I am inspiring them which is good but I would love to see inspiration turn that into change.  My trainer inspires me, she is in great shape but what do I do with that?  I need get off my butt and exercise!  Now do I want to be my trainer....No.  I am built way differently and I believe when I am completely fit we will have different strong points.  You cannot compare yourself to others.  You are a unique individual.  I am probably going to be built bigger and you know for the first time in my 31 years of life, that is OK.  I do not have the bone structure of being thin.  I am built to be a full figured girl.  Now not what different people call full figured as having extra weight.  I am talking wider shoulders, wider hips.....and I won't go on.  I see some people with extra weight who are told by doctors that they need to lose weight and all I hear is excuses basically blaming the doctor for being called obese when in reality sorry to break it to you...you are.  I am morbidly obese this is a fact I can other mope about the physician world as labeling me as such or I can use this as a reason to get healthy.  I look in the mirror and am not happy with what I see.  I need to look in the mirror and be happy because I am making progress of changing what I see in the mirror.  I have gone through some things that have made me a big girl, a lot of health issues.  Okay so now it is time to fight these health issues and not allow them to control my life.  IBS made me stop exercising. Not anymore.  It is not going to control me.  I am not a slave to IBS, hypothyroidism, acid reflux and former injuries.  These things do not control me, it may mean frequent "breaks" and some exercises I may not be able to do but I will overcome these things.  I was allowing these things to control me and it was making me even more unhealthy with high blood pressure, increased glucose level, and increase in cholesterol.  I am not allowing one condition to spiral down into more expensive health problems.  I can't; for myself, for my husband and for the rest of my family.  Align has helped me out tremendously hoping that this is the answer to me starting to lose weight.  I know crazy thing.  My body has not been getting proper nourishment but just in the week and a half that I have been taking these things my energy level has gone up.  My trainer has told me that she notices my endurance is a lot better.  She has noticed improvement in the past but just this past week even more so....I mean I got on the treadmill at home after working out...that has to count for something.  Another problem I am coming across is I am very stressed.  Stress is an evil thing that can make it hard to lose weight.  I know that after the cruise in October (Omigoodness just a little over a month away) I will be a lot less up tight.  May need to make monthly get away trips or every other month on a weekend.  Hoping I can still drop some pounds before cruising to the Bahamas but you know I am not giving up what I am doing, eventually they will come off when my body decided to behave.  This is just a rant of the things going through my head things I have been battling.  I might blog more but as a warning I may be very repetitive.  Some things I am fighting come up time and time again and are very frustrating, it will be interesting to see how much I have grown from it all.
 

Time to Get Back to Routine

So I can't totally remember what I wrote in my last post.  I think it was about foods upsetting my stomach.  I suffer from have IBS and Acid Reflux.  These two things that I hope they improve as I get healthier.  I unfortunately seem to get Stomach viruses often and well this last one messed me up pretty good.  Basically it flared up my IBS to the point of not being able to keep anything in my system.  I became very weak and had excruciating pain on my left side abdominal side that radiated down my leg, had some back pain with it but do not believe I have a kidney stone.  Basically I was told by the doctor that I need to continue to take the probiotic, Align.  I usually get my probiotics through yogurt (specifically Greek) and Kefir. This helps stabilizes the good bacteria in your digestive track.  I also was told I need to limit my raw veggie intake.  Raw fruits I need to peel as fiber has a tendency to upset my stomach and not do good.  Well that is still good news.  I was going crazy because the foods I am supposed to eat to get healthy were making me sick but the doctor does not want to discourage me from eating well.  She admit it is harder in my condition but luckily by steaming veggies it breaks the fiber down some.  I am not trying to have this be a TMI post so actually going into very little details but I do know people suffer form these conditions who are trying to get healthy.  Believe me it has been VERY discouraging even with my amazing support system of friends, family and my trainer.  I lost a lot of energy these past couple of weeks and it got very bad Wednesday through Friday.  Even today I had a little setback in pain.  I am tired and want/need a lot of sleep at this point.  Of course tomorrow my body is in for a shock.  I have work and training tomorrow.  It's time that it gets back to my energy level.  I loved the energy I was starting to get from exercising.  I would come home from work exhausted and with the exercising it only happens on Mondays.  Let's just say Mondays at a doctor's office is crazy!  The new found energy has made me start to get things done around the house; hopefully the house will be organized someday!  The positive thing about getting sick I found out my blood pressure is actually good!  For the past year I have had slightly elevated blood pressure when it is usually the low normal range.  It had me concerned as I didn't want to go on medications in my 30s.  I have friends who suffer from hypertension who look very healthy; they exercise and eat well, but genetics got them at the early age of having hypertension in their teens.  I look at them and they have no control over their blood pressure, well at least far less control than I have.  I think it is the matter of looking at everything I do have control over.  Diabetes: runs in the family but I still have control at this time of when I will get it.  High Cholesterol: Again in my control.  I have genetics running in against me if I DON'T decide to get healthy.  So it is my decision to eat fairly well and exercise.  The thing that I need to get back into routine is eating throughout the day.  Being sick made me not eat for a while.  I drank water and Gatorade.  Did not eat because it would upset my stomach and not stay down.  Anytime I get sick like this it is hard to go back to eating 3 meals a day.  So tomorrow I have to start getting back into that routine.  It's all patience.  Maybe after all of this the weight will begin to fly off.  The health is definitely getting there, just would like the weight to be there too.

Trial and Error

SO I haven't blogged in a while.  I felt like I didn't have anything to say (I know it's hard to believe).  I have since come to the conclusion I don't care if I repeat myself it is part of this battle I am facing.  I today do have a "new" battle.  I wouldn't call it new as this has been a health problem since the beginning.  I don't want to go into too much detail but I suffer from what is believed to be IBS which causes many problems with trying to get healthy.  This week we went grocery shopping at Trader Joes while we were hungry.  Usually a big mistake but for us it was just kept throwing healthy items like fruits and veggies in the buggy.  I was so excited to be able to have some healthy snacks like carrots and hummus, dried fruits (no sugar added).  Well started eating the raw carrots with hummus and of course it was quite yummy.  My body on the other hand is not impressed.  In fact it got quite angry with me consuming them.  ****WARNING HERE'S WHERE I GO ON A TANGENT**** Oh and I know that carrots contain sugar...blah....blah...blah; they are also very nutritional and when I have dieted (currently I am not dieting I am eating healthy- there is a difference) in the past I ate carrots and lost weight.  I also know that they body burns sugars from fruits and vegetables differently than refined sugar. Anyways back on topic my body has punished me the past few days for eating these little orange things.  Let's just say with lots of abdominal pain and everything that goes with it.  Carrots are supposed to be a "safe" food for those with IBS, I would be the exception to this rule.  I do fine eating them steamed so I guess that means I have to eat them steamed.  It's just a shame because raw veggies are healthier than steamed and I LOVE raw veggies my body again not so much.  I know people who hate raw veggies (my husband included) but can eat them without a problem.  I am not finding that very fair.  Oh well....now to see if my body can handle raw cucumbers, zucchinis and squash.  Need to buy some of these things, squash I do have.  All I can do is try it and see how my body reacts.  I just know that I cannot give up.  I have done this before.  If my body react this way towards health foods then why bother, right?  WRONG there are so many options out there and there are no excuses it is very discouraging I'll give myself that.  I can't let this get me down.  This is a true battle for me but last week I did a 45 second plank, and can do high kicks two fitness improvements.  I am not going to back track I have worked too hard AND have shown much improvement that I cannot just give up on eating right.  My mom has referred to me as "The Food Nazi" I am wearing this title proudly because it means to me that I have gained self control that I thought I did not have.  We were given a treadmill so this will help us to get in cardio on our off days.  Of course I need to make room for which is what I was working on until I get on here :-)  (I need a break). We are going on a cruise in a couple of months which is exciting.  We plan on not letting go of what we have been working on.  They have a gym and this we will use daily.  We do not plan in overindulging in foods like I hear happens on a cruise. I do know that no matter what I am not giving up!

Without Support a Structure Will Collapse

One thing I am learning is that having support is one of the most important things to getting healthy.  I believe first you need your mindset in the correct place then you need people to help you.  Anything you do in life you need help whether it is correction, teach or just someone to encourage you.  I have to say I am so blessed to have the support of so many people: My husband, my family, my in-laws, my friends and my co-workers.  I recently heard stories of people wanting to achieve fitness goals and families/friends are less than supportive.  Whether it is saying that they'll be too skinny, too muscular, etc.  One story consisted of a pudgy guy who is now in shape having their wife say that she misses his pudginess.  Seriously?!? "Hey honey....I know you are healthier now but I liked you better when you were a walking heart attack." Yup....that is one way to say "I love you."  Chris and I are very blessed that we are battling it together.  We do not have expectations for each other.  We love each other with the extra pounds and will love each other without them.  Chris and I both may be fairly muscular when done.  We have an agreement for it to be healthy muscular and nothing like the extremes.  I want to look and feel fit.  I am getting so much support now and hope to continue to be getting it as I slim down.  My grandmother went through a situation that she lost weight due to diabetes and friends told her she was too skinny.  In reality she was healthy but all of the negativity built up and she gained the weight back.  I think people get used to seeing a person at a heavier weight and the loss is a visual shock.  I say if the person is losing weight naturally and the end result does not produce a Jack Skellington then good for them.  Ribs showing is not cool....neither is seeing all of the vertebrae in the back.  Now there is a specific look I am thinking of.  I saw a person in a grocery store one time that I could see all of her bones it was very sad.  I don't know if she was ill from an eating disorder or a disease but it saddened me just as much as seeing someone who is morbidly obese.  (Yes it saddens me to look in the mirror and know I did not care enough about myself to take care of myself- but I understand this now).  Thank you for all of the support and just continue to be positive to one another!

Loving Progress!

So here I am a little over 2 months into health living and instead of gaining weight I am now losing.  8 POUNDS OF FAT LOST!!!! WOOHOO!!!Have to say scale watching can be a little addictive.  I question if I truly have lost since I didn't in the beginning and then notice....oh it is even lower.  No more scale watching.  I will check it once maybe twice a week but over that is obsessive.  The most important thing is starting to being able to do this I haven't done in years.  Today...I ran.  That is right....modified suicides but instead of walking I ran them.  It was an option I was given....I didn't think I would run the whole thing and I did.  Impressive....well for me it was.  I do basically interval training and had to repeat the "suicides" and also ran them.  I am tired but am so excited to think I will probably be able to run my first race hopefully soon.  Probably next year but that is sooner than it was 2 months ago.  I think one thing that has helped me was the gift of new shoes.  Family bought Chris and I new shoes.  I found out I pronate when I walk, run, stand.  I have not been wearing shoes that have the stability needed for a person with this problem.  Basically I need something with more stability for the inside of the feet.  These made a huge difference.  Still having knee problem but I feel so much more stable.  Interesting enough there is a chance I pronate due to old ankle injury.  I could see because as soon as tried on the shoes my left ankle started hurting slightly.  This is the ankle I have been trying to get to heal for months now and the only answer is weight loss.  Now maybe my ankle will heal properly and I can get even a better workout.

I don’t drink water, because if water can erode rock, think what it can do to flesh. -Jarod Kintz

I find the above quote to be hilarious; especially since I wonder what soda is doing to the body!  Such a great excuse not to drink water.  I knew someone who hated water so badly she made Kool Aid with double the sugar and with an extra flavor packet.  It was so sweet and gross I just cannot fathom how she could drink it.  I realized I haven't talked about water consumption and how important it really is.  The human body is approximately 60% water, the brain is nearly 70% water, the lungs are 90% water, blood is 83% of water....etc.  In other words the body needs water to survive.  I have been drinking a lot more than usual.  I think the key is to find a bottle or cup that you like to drink from.  I know it sounds weird.  My favorite bottle would be the "Bobble-Water Bottle" this handy little water bottle filters water as it is squeezed.  I can drink tap water with it tasting so much better than before.  I do not like buying the already water bottles in the store.  They are so wasteful.  So many plastic bottles used all for a better tasting water.  This allows me to be Eco-friendly and hydrated.  Water is such a big key to losing weight.  As we grow older we lose the ability to be able to tell the difference between a hunger pain and dehydrated pain.  The positive: at least food can also hydrate you some.  So many times I may have eaten thinking I was hungry when in fact all I wanted was some water.

Water can get a little boring but there are so many ways to flavor it.
Crystal Lite (artificial sweetener not so healthy)- I use these occasionally
Cucumber slices-the freshest tasting drink I have had
Lemon (pretty standard in restaurants)
Lime
Basil leaves (basil and mint are related)

Here's a website I found for more ideas....must try some:

http://smarterfitter.com/2008/06/09/32-natural-ways-to-flavor-water/


I am posting this because I am getting to better health.  This includes hydration!


On a side note I have lost 5 pounds thus far.  I can get a little discouraged that I am not in the double digits of weight loss like my husband  BUT I am not holding on to what I haven't accomplished.  I am holding on to what I HAVE accomplished.  Total mind change has occurred.  I do know what weight I want to be but I am not looking at that; it's in the back of my mind.  I do know I am healthier today than I was a couple of months ago.  I have slightly more energy and slightly more motivation.  Things are continuing to improve.

Finish the Race

So I have never actually participated in a race.  Never totally have had a desire to until seeing scriptures comparing our spiritual journey to a race.  Here are some examples:

Acts 20:24 (Paul is talking to the Ephesians) - However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me —the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

1 Corinthians 9:24-25 (titled "The Need for Self Discipline"- something I am trying to learn)-  Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.  Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

Galatians 2:2 - I went in response to a revelation and, meeting privately with those esteemed as leaders, I presented to them the gospel that I preach among the Gentiles. I wanted to be sure I was not running and had not been running my race in vain.

Galatians 5:7 - You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?

2 Timothy 4:7-8 - I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day —and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing

Hebrews 12:1-3 -  Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.



I made a goal a few years ago to run in a race at some point in my life.  My goal was in a year and that sickness happened.  My stomach issues caused me to stop working out the ironic thing is that now that I have incorporated working out back into my life the stomach issues are getting better.  It may be because I am trying to eat natural foods.  After the reading the above scriptures several times later I still cannot relate to running a race.  Right now I am in the training phase.  Not that I am ready to run I am building myself up to this point.  I hope to walk a 3k in September to start getting me used to being in the atmosphere.  My knee isn't in any condition to start running.  I hope to change this but in the mean time I am excited about at least having the opportunity to sign up for the event.  It's a start and maybe it will become something I will enjoy.  I hope not to only physically train myself for this but to obtain some spiritual insight in the importance of persevering, self discipline, and training in my spiritual walk with God.  I am excited!

Lifetime of Changing Needed

So in the past 6 weeks I have been trying to unlearn habits that I have grown accustomed to.  Now my parents did try to instill some healthy habits in my life; eating only until satisfied, eating a full range of food and to be somewhat active.  Honestly these habits went down the tube when we became caregivers to my grandmother.  As we have not been caregivers for over 10 years we still have what is called "Caregiver Syndrome."  Basically it is when a person still does not care for him or herself because they are in a habit of caring for someone else.  I would not trade the opportunity for caring for my grandmother but I really don't know how to take care of myself, health-wise.   This is where meeting and marrying Chris has been so good foe me because he reminds me when I need to stop and take care of myself.  I somehow got in the habit of cleaning my plate; I think because I didn't want the food to go to waste.  Learning to eat until I am satisfied, drinking more water and making healthier decisions in what I put in my mouth are things we are trying to practice.  I know I am told not to deprive myself of any food but I have not yet learned self control.  You know only having a couple of potato chips and not hand fulls; 5 M&Ms and not the full bag (even the individual size is too much to eat).  We are trying to eat organic foods; hoping to incorporate organic meats into this too.  As I am doing research on healthy eating it really scares me with the things that are being added to meats, fruits and veggies.  These things cause a lot health problems and could be the cause of a lot of intestinal problems. Here are just a couple of articles I have read recently:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/05/29/genetically-modified-crops-insects-emerged.aspx 



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/12/chicken-bladder-infection-superbug-uti_n_1668255.html


Here is a company in Charlotte, NC that sells the organic meat; on their site they include the benefits:

http://www.salemhillsfarm.com/healthbenefits.html


So our family has extended our training sessions and we are going from 2 times a week to 3 times a week.  I have still not shown any progress according to the scale but am still noticing a difference.  I look forward to the scale showing a difference; mainly because I need weight off in order for my knee to heal.  I am told I still need to be patient and now that I am going to go 3 times a week and am figuring out things I can do at home; I should be making more progress.  I am hoping to buy a cork board sometime soon to post my goals and some pics of me in High School.  Of course my overall goal is to be healthier than I was in High School. 

I also plan to start writing letters to corporations voicing the need for Plus size workout gear in their stores.  I hope my one voice can change many corporations.  I wish I have a talent in fashion design then I can send some ideas.  I have to work with what I have and that is a passion to get healthier and help others get healthier.   Seeing those who are overweight and obese starting to make a step forward to getting healthy is such a great sight!

The Blah Phase

This past week I have been...well...blah towards everything.  Impartial towards getting healthy.  This doesn't mean I want to give up I just need to regain my drive.  I think it is with the added stress that occurred in our lives. Chris's car has already had some problems and it decided it no longer wanted to go into reverse.  We have a fairly steep driveway so the thought of it being stuck down there was not very calming.  I figured they could get it out but when I donated my Saturn to Habitat for Humanity after the stick shift died (it was stuck in 3rd gear) the tow truck driver said he was glad it wasn't parked down my driveway because he wouldn't be able to get it out (probably with the type of truck he had).  Luckily AAA was able to get it out of the driveway and they took it to a mechanic in Durham that we trust.  Well no surprises the car's transmission is dead.  Because I drive manual and my husband does not I have been the transportation for the both of us.  Let's just say...a tank of gas usually lasts me almost 2 weeks, and I used a half a tank in a days time.  Needless to say this has been an exhausting week since I am doing a lot more driving than I do.  We get the car back next week with the new transmission and I think soon my mind will be back on track.  I also found out my family members that are helping us with the trainers are willing for us to train 3 times a week instead of 2.  Honestly I am getting excited.  The only issue I am having is left knee pain.  I tried to buy a knee brace at Dick's Sporting Goods and lo and behold they do not carry them in my size.  I thought surely since it is unisex I could find one.  Let's just say I wish I can open my own shop for plus sized people, this would include for men, women, and children.  There are many overweight, obese people who want to get healthy and it would be nice to have the support of clothing and workout materials made for them.  I really wish I am business savvy and could just do this.  It hurts that it is this hard to find these things that can help me get healthy.  People make comments and scoff at those needing to lose weight but there is no support.  I know that it can be easy to give up just because of this reason.  When you need a knee brace, sports bra, workout underwear, etc. it needs to be easier to find than the internet.  When  you want to get healthy you want to start NOW not 5-10 business days for delivery.  If someone knows how I can start this business or wants to help, heck even if you do it without me, let me know.  It is needed.

Oh Yeah! (In Peggy Hill's voice)

Due to not having cable but having Netflix and my love for cartoons I have been watching a lot of "King of the Hill" for whatever reason I am hooked.  All of the characters get on my nerves but I can't stop watching. Some of the episodes have great messages and that what may be what has made me hooked.  Peggy is my least favorite character but watching an episode where she had to fight through recovering a sky diving accident; learn to walk and other daily activities made me like her a lot more.  Anything that has someone fighting to get healthy or in shape whether fictional or not is encouraging to me.  Now that I am done with my tangent of a lame cartoon I will share with everyone what has been going on.

Chris and I went to Planet Fitness on Monday night and I did at least 10 minutes elliptical and 10 minutes on the bike.  Tuesday I went walking with a friend for 45 minutes around her apartment complex.  Yesterday was a big day for me it was exactly 4 weeks from starting my training (I believe my 7th session) and thus got remeasured.  Well I weighed myself earlier in the day; scale states I am 1.8 pounds heavier than when I began.  As discouraging as that may seem; my measurements showed loss of 2 inches from the chest, 3 inches from the waist, 1 inch from my thigh and 1/4 inch from my arm.  Scale can say whatever it wants I am making a lot of progress.  I have gained muscle and lost fat this is the true goal.  Some people say I should completely ignore that I gained almost 2 pounds.  I share this not to discourage me or belittle my progress.  I share this because shows like "Biggest Loser" and some other weight loss shows do not show that this can happen.  In fact if it does it usually results with the trainers yelling at the person.  Here's the thing: those on "Biggest Loser" are not average people.  They are on a show where it is extremely competitive, low caloric intake and they work out 6 hours a day.  It is neither realistic nor healthy.  I want people to know gaining may not be a bad thing.  I do know eventually I will lose the pounds but until then I take pride in knowing that I am getting healthier.  I also walked again today with my friend....so this means so far I have exercised 4 days this week and tomorrow I have a training session; looking forward to exercising becoming part of a routine.

I am so grateful for all of you who are supporting me through this change in life that I am making.  I feel like Moses in Exodus 17:12.  Of course it is metaphorically speaking.  I am battling being unhealthy and when I get discouraged and start letting go all of you have been there to help lift my spirits and encourage me. 

I Will Not Give Up!

So I know that I have been on here in over a week and a half.  This was because I had a small setback in my progress.  Last Tuesday afternoon I got nauseated and sick.  It was believed to be hormonal and a virus; I didn't start feeling somewhat human until yesterday afternoon.  Here again is an example of something that will improve as I continue to grow in health.  I went to a training session on Friday and almost got sick a couple of times but pushed through because I was there and wanted some sort of workout for the week.  I was supposed to go to one Saturday morning and being up sick did not allow that to happen.  The positive thing is that our friends want to start walking with us.  I am having fun making healthier decisions when it comes to food.  I still haven't deprived myself from any particular food unless I just really don't want it.  For example there were danishes, bagels, cream cheese and fruit at work today.  I opted only for the fruit.  Today at lunch there was pizza....I ate 2 small slices and fruit. 

I heard a story today of a young woman, 29 years-old, who had to have her baby early due to preeclampsia she ended up having a stroke and dying a couple of weeks later.  This is a woman who seemed to not have any weight problems (not sure about health) that developed preeclampsia.  This is all the more reason I need to get healthy, my heart breaks for this family and I need to do everything in my power to not have this happen.  If I were to get pregnant I can still develop preeclampsia when I am healthy (anyone has this chance) but the risk is higher with where my health is currently at (of course it is better than a couple of months ago). 

A scripture that is stuck in my head is: James  4:17: "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them."  I know that getting healthy is the good I need to do; this will help me be able to look out for others and serve as I am intended as a Christian; being able to live out Phil 2:3-5.  If I don't get healthy I am in sin.  God created me and cares for me thus I need to care for myself.  I am also called to "Love my neighbor as myself."  I must care and love myself in order to understand truly what it means to love my neighbor.  If I am lazy in caring for myself I'll be lazy in caring for others.

Not meaning to get preachy but my beliefs are a big part of who I am.  Without using scriptures and God I will not be able to achieve my goals. Without support from all of you I cannot achieve my goals.  We are supposed to be there for each other and I appreciate all of you who are there for me.  Those I have known from Middle School, High School and now.  It is so great to be getting healthy with social media.  Makes your support team so much larger.

Now I need to get ready to go to the gym. :-)

This Just In....

Curiosity got the best of me....I tried on a dress that I could only zip up half way last month and it zips up all the with ease and without spanks!  Oh Yeah! 

Feeling Grrrrreat!

So I had another training session today and I am so much more positive than I was yesterday.  Who needs a stupid scale to tell you that you are making progress.  I was able to do a few knee push-ups; I tried doing these months ago without any luck.  Went from 5 lbs to 12 lbs in hammer curls.  So the scale may not be saying I am making progress but my body is saying otherwise.  Honestly I am feeling great and I am holding on to that more than anything.  I bought a 12 in. sub from Harris Teeter (Fridays they are $4.99 and are waaaaay tastier than Subway) and only ate 6 inches.  Ate at 2:00 and was still full at 4:30.  I say this is progress too.  Stomach is shrinking and my muscles are growing.  Scale is being evil and saying I gained but that's right I did gain....strength, energy and muscle.  I will eventually lose the fat but right now I am proud of my accomplishments.  I am fighting to stay positive and push through the negativity.  It is a great battle so far and I have been told that I am inspiring others to get their lives together.  I also have been eating throughout the day including breakfast; in fact I was hungry for breakfast when I woke up this morning.  Body is starting to take in my new eating habits.  Let's bring this getting healthier; it may take me a while to obtain my goal but I am mainly looking at my other goals for now.  Having more energy, being able to climb steps without losing my breath; these are the goals I am looking at not the number goal.  Thanks to my trainer, my family, my husband (I know he is family but he needs separate recognition), and friends for all of your positivity.  Keep the positivity coming.  I look forward to the day I am at my goal and just maintaining; and being able to say you all helped me get there.  I feel like I am on team which is great.  Team Allison; Team Alli-Cat....whatever you call me.  Woohoo!  Thanks again!  Looking forward to more positive blogs like this one!

Learning to Get Rid of Discouragement

I think the biggest obstacle of getting healthy is discouragement.  Today was a rough day.  I was very emotional.  Nala (my oldest cat) was very demanding for attention and wouldn't let us sleep last night.  Usually she does fairly well but she has her extreme bratty days. I also hurt my right ankle somehow.  I didn't realize it was stiff and stepped on it; I heard a loud popping noise and it has hurt every since.  This is my good ankle, the one that has NEVER been injured whereas my left ankle I sprained numerous times over and over again last year.  My husband informed me today that he lost 9 pounds and this just made even more emotional.  I am VERY proud and happy for him but was discouraged he has lost so much and I have lost nothing.  Chris reminded me of Isaiah 40:31; it helped but I did end up crying (felt better once it was out).  Luckily I work in a Physicians' office so was reminded by my co-workers men and women lose weight differently and women take more time.  I was told that stress also doesn't allow for weight loss.  I must learn to deal with stress better.  My goodness; I feel like I do not know how to take care of myself.  I am changing all of these things and must hold on to it.  I am still quite discouraged I couldn't do cardio due to whatever I did to my ankle.  Chris bought me an ankle brace so I can try to do my work out tomorrow.  I really am looking forward to get measured next week to see if I have lost inches.  I really actually need to stop worrying about it and continue to do what I have been doing.  I am on track.  The weight will eventual come off I am gaining muscle definitely feeling it in my arms, abs and legs.  I believe discouragement and the negative thoughts are why so many people give up on weight loss.  I need to trim the fat from my brain; it's nonsense and it is hurting me.  I hope for a good nights sleep tonight and looking forward to the new day tomorrow.

Some Before Pics.

Thought I should probably put up some before pics since I did gain some weight since my wedding pic.

 I took out my in-laws out of this pic....not to be mean....just don't have their permission to publicly display them on the blog.

Will add some more pics as time goes by....maybe right before the cruise.

Take the Compliment, Crazy!

I haven't written in the past couple of days but I have to admit it has been in part due to my disappointment of the scale.  I hate the scale it is not showing much change (maybe a pound).  Technically even for those my size it is healthy to lose 1-2 pounds a week anything over that is not necessarily health and has a good chance of being only temporary weight loss.  I am a scale watcher.  This is actually very dangerous for those trying to get healthy and lose weight.  I weigh myself almost daily.  I have been told that I am looking like I am losing but I ignore what people say due to the scale saying otherwise.  Muscle is denser so 1 pound of muscle looks like less than 1 pound of fat....so technically I could be replacing fat with muscle right now.  If anyone ever compliments you, don't be crazy and ignore it or brush it aside!  I remember a brother in my church complimented me on a dress I wore one time saying I looked pretty;I brushed it off and said something like "Eh...only cost me $8 and I haven't worn it before."  He then proceeded to point out that I do not take compliments and if I continue to not take them none will be given out (now EVERYBODY likes compliments).  These are the friends you need in your life!  My trainer today reminded me yet again to accept what people are saying.  She notices a difference and that it is too early to see significant changes in the scale.  I do not notice much difference except for: increased energy level and I am slightly stronger.  Other changes such as inches will take me a little longer to see because I live with my self 24 hours a day 7 days a week, all 60 minutes of that hour and all 60 seconds of that minute.  The only One (capitalization on purpose) that can see you that often and still notice a change is G-O-D. 

Workout today was pretty intense.  I did 15 minutes on the elliptical on a level 8 resistance and 15 minutes on a stationary bike on Level 5.  My trainer then proceeded to do strength training; having to climb steps weights, resistance bands.  I was breathless by the time I left there; but I am looking forward to climbing those steps and not being so breathless until they make me do it with a weighted vest. 

I have learned today that consistency in sleep and eating is VERY important.  Here's a "secret" of how I have been living:  Eat lunch at noonish and dinner when I get home; weekends eat dinner only (because I am too exhausted to eat sooner).  Not only am I not eating breakfast (which it really is helpful to eat 3 meals a day with snacks in between -lost weight this way before) BUT I am also messing up my metabolism and slowing it down. I am making my body go into starvation mode so when I do eat it stores up what I just ate as fat; now I already have a medical problem with a slow metabolism but I guess I don't think it is slow enough so I am slowing it down more.  Chris was very frustrated with me on Sunday when I ate for the first time at 3:00pm.  I need to adjust my sleeping and try to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep a day and try to stop sleeping in if I am not working.  The only thing to figure out is how can I get that much if I am the type of person to get up every hour?  Guess it will change at some point.  All of these habits are "normal" for me.  Time to rewrite Allison's normal and help my body. 

I think this journey thus far has been eye opening.  I am having to change so much about my lifestyle.  We have been doing fairly well with eating "clean" foods.  I did eat a cupcake today but said "No" to Doritos and chips on Monday.  Weak willed moment and honestly I used the cupcake to reward myself.  This too is a big no, no. If a person who is trying to quit smoking rewards themselves with a cigarette what would that do?  Cause them to stumble and go back to smoking.  Same thing for food.  Does this mean I deny myself completely of these things? Not all of the time but NEVER excuse eating something "unhealthy" because you "deserve it" for exercising so much....etc.....

I Love Inspiring TRUE Stories

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448&feature=share

I hope this link works.  I love finding inspiring stories of people getting their lives back on track.

Snap, Crackle, Pop

Today I am in all sorts of pain; it is getting better as the day is going on but my goodness I could not move initially from being so stiff.  My joints are popping, making me want some Rice Krispies.  I understand why I have quit getting healthy before and why others quit but the pain I am taking in now will be nothing compared to a heart attack, troubles with diabetes, etc.

We just put a down deposit for a cruise this coming fall with our family which is more incentive to get healthier.  Oh and here is a gripe....why is plus size women workout clothes VERY hard to come by.  You go to Dicks Sporting Goods where men sizes can go up to a XXXL whereas the women's section goes up to a small XL.  So let's encourage men to get active but not encourage women to get active.  I guess women are supposed to be naturally thin; interesting since women are supposed to have more body fat than men.  Luckily Target has some plus size workout clothes.

I started using the app "My Fitness Pal."  It's great to keep track of a food and exercise journal.  Yesterday I ate too little calories and the result said I can slow down my metabolism (I already have hypothyroidism; I don't need to slow it down anymore).  The only complaint is that some people who are on MFP have no business being on MFP.  There are people who are 5'2" complaining about being 114 or under....going on how "fat" they are.  The minimum for that height is supposed to be 109.  One woman said she was skinny/fat at 105.  Seriously?  I can see if you need to gain muscles to tone up but at that point it shouldn't be about losing weight.  Thanks Hollywood, Fashion Industry and the Advertisement industry for making normal weight look obese and slightly below normal weight fat.  I do seriously hope this can change someday.

Perseverance and Patience

Today is Saturday and I did sleep in but not as badly as last week.  I worked out with my trainer the last two days and yesterday I did more reps than she was going to have me do in some of the exercises.  I am quite sore but I need to get some things done today.  I plan to get some gardening done and some housework.  I think this is the biggest improvement that has come in the past week is that I have increased energy and motivation to get things done.  This has not happened when I would try to do workouts on my own.  I honestly think it is because I am doing full body workouts AND I have someone there to correct me if I am not properly doing the exercise.  Basically I highly recommend some sort of a trainer, whether it's at the gym, or a friend who has been trained in properly doing exercises; it does cost money but then you won't injure yourself which could cost you even more money. 

Yesterday I read at work that only 10-15% of people can lose weight without the help of bariatric surgery (people around my weight and heavier).  I just chuckled at the article and said "I plan to be that 10-15%!"  Through Facebook I already have a lot of support and I appreciate all of it!  I have gotten serious about my weight before and gained it back...well...I want this to be different this time.  This is not only a physical journey but a mental and spiritual journey as well.  In all journeys you need help and that is the reason for starting this blog.  I am trying to keep my thoughts in the open with as many people as possible.  Pride is being put aside.  I need positive criticism that is why I enjoy having a trainer.  My trainer is very positive...does not call me names...gets excited that I am making progress.  I hope to later on post scriptures that have helped me through this....but for right now I am calling the internet and sitting on my booty quits and getting some work done.  Maybe even go to the gym to do the elliptical.

Obviously I am going to be great at this blogging thing (sarcasm).  Eventually I'll post daily including what I ate but one step at a time.  I am down about 2-3 pounds from the start of personal training.  I have gone walking a couple of times with my husband in the past week.  Basically I have been physically active 4 days in a 7 day period.  This is a lot compared to none.  I had to cancel my training session yesterday to not feeling the best but rescheduled to today.  I did more reps and I am at 8 lb dumbbells (I only used 5 lbs last week).  I am feeling more muscle which is a great thing.  The hardest thing is fighting not giving up and being patient with myself.  I am very clumsy and shake a lot while exercising because my body is in shock.  I did notice my body did not shake after getting off the elliptical and I am moving faster on it.  I think the key is to hold on to these little improvements like they are one of the most precious memories.  My trainer says I am doing great (I really like the positive reinforcement).  I become discouraged very easily and want to see the weight melt off....that isn't happening.  I also need to be realistic.  I out of all honesty want to lose 50 pounds in a week (seriously I really do).  In my fantasy world I will be down by 120 pounds by the end of summer....in time to by some clearance 2 piece bathing suit and be able to use it until Fall.  As I come back from my fantasy world I am reminded that losing weight takes time!  The slower you lose it the longer you keep it off.  I think this beginning part is just developing healthy habits.  Eating more natural foods, getting in the routine of exercising, getting quality sleep and developing a more positive mindset.  I am being refined right now.  This journey is not only refining me outwardly but I will have better character after this battle become more like second nature.

WARNING I AM NOT AN ENGLISH MAJOR AND NEVER WILL BE!!! ENGLISH JUNKIES READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

So I am completely new at blogging.  I most definitely will not be best and that is not my goal.  My goal for this blog is to document my journey to becoming healthy.  I have gained almost 80 pounds in the past 3 years and let's not even bring up since High School.  I am trying to use this blog as an accountability post.  The things here I am making public.  The question is: Should this be public or should it be private?  I thought every gritty detail should be public to help others or to be helped by others.  There is some information I may leave out since as of right now I am uncomfortable with sharing my weight and measurements.  It will be obvious with pictures that I am what health professionals call "morbidly obese."  My doctor gave me some wake up calls a couple of months ago these things include:

1. She mentioned that I am a candidate for bariatric surgery.
2. If I were to get pregnant I would be "High Risk" as there is no question I WILL get gestational diabetes, and hypertension (as both of these conditions run in my family).  I will also have a higher chance of miscarriage.
3. It will take 2 years to "heal" my body and get on track and get healthy.

Test results came back and my diabetes test was slightly elevated (not enough to be considered diabetic but enough to say...."Hello?  You are killing yourself!"); my cholesterol is elevated (not enough to be on medications but again see diabetes test); TSH was elevated, thus I have hypothyroidism and need medication (this condition slows down my metabolism); and Vitamin D levels are severely low (especially for someone my age).  It was eye opening that I need to start improving myself.  Since starting on meds for hypothyroidism I have lost 5 pounds which is a start.

I am very blessed to have great family.  They decided to help my husband and I obtain our Health Goals by paying for personal trainers.  I go to Studio 1 on 1 in Charlotte.  I started Wednesday; go twice a week for 30 minutes (this does not include the time I show up beforehand to start some Cardio).  (Is it weird that since someone is paying for this I want to do my best whereas if I was paying for it I would probably not try as hard?)

Today was my second day and I am battling negativity.  I see myself working out in the mirror and am completely disgusted.  Seriously, I do not look in the mirror that often (especially a full body mirror) because I sometimes get nauseated with how I look.  This will be my biggest battle in getting healthy is having a healthy mind.  The negativity HAS to stop.  I need to see my self as being beautiful regardless of the weight PLUS I am making changes to improve myself.  Low self-esteem has always been a battle for me.  I remember my mindset when I first started dating my husband was pretty amazing.  I at that time I relied on God for my security not myself....of course that was with the help of my husband who was just a friend before the mindset came to be.  He heard my negativity and gave me a scripture about looking at God.  (I believe it is in Jeremiah- I have it somewhere, must look).  Now before this point I was doing well with not worrying about my self esteem but this took it to a whole new level.  I need to look at G-O-D.  He is so much higher that I am that I really don't matter....except I matter to Him.  No more comparing myself to others, time to compare myself to scriptures and if I don't measure up (which I never will); I just need to look at myself as a work in progress; something to improve on.